35 Lessons at 35
And my mantra for 36 💫
I’ve been 36 for two entire weeks and dare I say I feel a bit wiser already?
I had a really beautiful birthday celebration this year and I’m still basking in gratitude for the love from my family and friends. The last six years have been a goddamn roller coaster. My mama passed away eight days after I turned 30 and it felt like an uphill battle for a long time after that. The last few birthdays were pretty weird, to be honest, so I’m going to take the W on a really great few days of celebrating this year!
I hadn’t felt this giddy for a birthday is a long time. I also hadn’t hosted much at my new-ish house and what do ya know… it brought me so much joy to have all my girlfriends under one roof. All I wanted was something simple at my house, a place that’s become my cocoon for the last year and a half. It was effortless, easy, and we drank way too many spritzes and wine. It was so me. And on my actual birthday, I spent a perfect 75 degree day in Malibu with my ride or dies drinking more spritzes, laughing our asses off, singing at the top of our lungs in the car with the windows down while also hollering at hot men down PCH. Capped it off with an impromptu walk-in at RVR with ‘just one glass’ of wine which turned into a lot more than that. Ugh, it was just all so fun!!!
I had every intention to post this on my actual birthday, but I haven’t had a moment to put pen to paper. I spent my first week of 36 in Amsterdam on a magical and inspiring work trip, and otherwise, have been pretty heads down with some big work projects. But here we are!
Before I get to my big 35 lessons… I’ll start off with my mantra for 36: What’s meant for me will not miss me. I’m deep in my ~*trust in the universe*~ phase and good things keep happening. So... I am rolling with it. Hello 36!! I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me!!
Love,
Cat
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35 LESSONS
Choosing JOY is the key to life! Key word is choose. I didn’t understand that I could actively choose joy until I went to the Hoffman Process. What a simple concept, right? Turns out it wasn’t so simple for me. This means I can choose the way I live my life — and it turns out that living it from a heart full of joy is a daily, hourly, minute by minute choice.
Prioritize FUN! I’m a work hard, play hard kind of girl. If you catch me in the work zone, I’m 110% locked in. But when I’m not working, having fun with whatever it is I’m doing is so important. Maybe some of you can relate, but I didn’t have the most ‘playful’ childhood and I was actually quite serious, so I’ve had to do a lot of work to rewire that part of my system and learn how to channel my inner child to let go and truly have fun (once again, thank you Hoffman Process). Belly laughs and being silly and playful is a must for the rest of my life.
Sis <3 Nourish your friendships like your life depends on it. We need to tak turns taking care of each other. 34 was an absolute shit show for me, and 35 was all about pouring back into my friends. I truly don’t know what I’d do without my girlfriends.
I settled into the friendship / motherhood dynamic transition. I’ll be honest, I had a hard time during the first couple of years as my bffs became first time moms. I felt like I had lost them to their babies. I don’t think we talk enough about how difficult that transition is for female friendships, but now that I’ve gotten to the other side, watching my friends be parents and being Auntie Kitty is the most beautiful thing in the world.
ride or dies Spending time with friends and making new friends who are in similar life stages was big for me this year. In the aforementioned dynamic transition, it’s healthy to keep living my life and be in the same orbit as other women in the same life phase. To be clear, it’s not about replacing friends. It’s simply expansion.
Romanticizing and cherishing this period before I (hopefully) have my own children one day. Working hard, adventuring more, a quiet house, sleeping in, staying out all night, doing nothing… and (trying) not to feel guilty about any of it.
My little besties It’s important to have a few nights a year to party my pants off. I’m talking dance all night, laughing my ass off with gfs, watch the sun come up and stay in bed the entire next day without feeling bad for it. I had a handful of these nights this year and damn, I have the most fun girlfriends in the world.
But staying in on a Friday or Saturday night and waking up early on a Saturday or Sunday is equally as incredible.
Working is a privilege. Having job(s) that I love makes me feel so beyond lucky.
Anna’s wedding <3 Learning to be alone is an active lesson for me. This is the longest I’ve been “single” and whaddya know… it’s been one of my favorite years yet. I’m learning how to actually enjoy my own company. I used to stay busy every night of the week during my short single stints, because I hated being alone, but I finally understand that solitude doesn’t mean emptiness.
I learned how to navigate anxiety of being alone in a healthier way. Staying home when I’m feeling lonely and telling myself to “just be alone” isn’t always the answer. It’s understanding that I need healthy connection, like a hug from my best friend.
The annual lake trip with my Soph <3 Time is the greatest gift. I really, I mean really, got to reflect on my past relationships because I wasn’t distracted with a new one this year. I needed proper time to be alone and heal. I’m so thankful for their lessons and I’m even more thankful those relationships ended when they did. I know this for certain: every relationship that ends is a blessing in disguise. Sometimes we just need some time to pass until we realize that truth.
Dating was eye opening this year. I went on a record number of first, second, and third dates and it was clear to me that none of them were a fit. This is vulnerable to admit, but I probably would’ve settled for a mismatch in the years before this.
LOVERS IN JAPAN Emotional vagueness doesn’t work for me anymore. If it’s not clear, honest communication… no thank you. The right love stands with you and keeps you next to them in every sense (wise words from my lover).
Despite the 100 dates I went on, I did date one incredible man this year that set the bar really, very, quite high — and I am so thankful for him. He got not only one, but two, pieces written about our time together.
Compatibility is a lot harder to come across than advertised.
My bestie pop of 18 years Doing “the work” is really, really rewarding. I grew a lot in the last 1.5 years and I am so grateful for therapy, conversations with friends, and alone time.
Journaling became one of my most powerful tools this year. The simple act of writing out my feelings helped me through so many tough moments this year… wow.
Same with exercise. Hot yoga became my safe place. Long walks became therapeutic. Cardio to move stagnant energy. The body keeps score…
Not looking at my phone for the first hour of the day is life changing. I did it last March when I was processing something difficult and it got me through that time. I would journal first thing and I couldn’t believe how much noise was in my head upon waking up. The subconscious is so powerful. Reminder to do this again.
Taking time to respond is always the right decision.
There’s no need to over explain or justify a decision. A no can simply be a “no thank you!” or “I can’t!”
Can’t take us anywhere The beauty of vulnerability. I’ve opened up about a couple of daunting fears to my best friends this year and it’s like 1,000 pounds lifted off my shoulders. We don’t have to carry burdens alone… We’re never as alone as we think we are.
I attempted to eat out less and I think generally succeeded. I couldn’t be happier cooking a simple meal at home.
Mastered the art of cooking for one. Like buying a ribeye from the butcher and cutting it in half to cook because leftover steak is never good.
My dancing queens Packing a lunch for office days or packing up a cooler for days in my car is the best. I hate buying lunch out — it’s expensive, not that good, and they give you too much food imo, so then I over eat.
Say yes to attending weddings! Especially in different countries and/or going solo. I made two of my closest friends at destination weddings this year and I shudder to think how different my life would be if I didn’t go.
Mexico City <3 <3 <3 Community doesn’t happen by accident… you have to tend it. Friendships require intention, especially if you live alone or work for yourself. That means carving out time that isn’t behind a screen, saying yes to plans, and choosing to show up.
Hmm how do I say this one without sounding like I’ve lived in LA for a decade? It really is a glow / energy you put out that makes people drawn towards you… and vice versa. I know when something feels right: conversations flow, I leave lighter after spending time with someone. Energy is ~real~
All 10 cousins!!! Rushing to get somewhere or to finish something is never a good idea.
I deeply value consistency from others. Follow through and presence. My body knows the difference between reassurance and reality now.
Not over sharing. Keeping things close to the chest doesn’t necessarily mean you’re hiding… it’s actually just listening to my intuition.
Human design is fascinating. I did a reading right before I turned 35 but it’s helped me understand how I operate and my decision styles in business, friendships, and love.
Sometimes you just need to go to sleep and start over again tomorrow.
We can’t see around corners. Thanks to my girlfriend for sharing this one with me. We never know what’s coming our way. Jesus take the wheel, baby!!
And there you have it… 35 thoughts after 35 years of life. I am filled with gratitude for every teeny moment that’s transpired to exactly where I am today. Thank you, universe!!! 💫
LOVE, CAT
I loved every single lesson! Especially sometimes you just need to go to sleep and start again the next day!!
I can say with certainty that meeting you was one of the best things to happen to me that year! Reading this, I kept nodding along because I’ve watched you live so many of these lessons in real time. The way you pour into your friendships, choose joy even when it’s hard, and trust the universe… it’s contagious. So grateful our paths crossed and that you said yes to Japan! Love you, friend. 36 is yours 💫